Rotoholics.com

“It’s easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you’re a winner, when you’re number one. What you got to have is faith and discipline when you’re not a winner.”
- Vince Lombardi

There comes a time when you look back over your performance for the past few weeks, and something starts to stand out. You can still taste the really close losses. Some of the shine on the wins has begun to fade, but not all of them. There were a couple of games you picked that were brilliant, and you still know just how right you were. You called it.

So in the spirit of constant improvement, we have conducted a thorough, in-depth review of our two-week run here on rotoholics.com, and all our experts agree that we have identified a clear, irrefutable fact: We’re due. Oh, man, are we due! We’ve been tearing through these first games at a perfectly flat pace just like a fighter jet screaming down the runway, and we’re about to take off.

QUICK REVIEW

Regular Picks:   6-5

BONUS Pick:    0-1 (Jets/Saints over)

D-D LOCK:       0-1 (Sooners -7’ at Miami)

TWINNERS: 1-0 (Ohio State -18’)

WEEK TOTAL:  7-7 (pathetic crap)

SEASON:         12-12 (embarrassment)

Bankroll: -$1,200 (all juice)

“We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.”
-Vince Lombardi

I could whine about the Ravens (+2) driving to score a game winner with half a minute left when on fourth and three in the red zone, Flacco hit Mark Clayton for an easy first down pass, and Clayton dropped the freakin’ ball. Catch it with your hands, idiot. Your shoulder pads don’t have hands.

But we’re about winning, not whining, so we’ll focus very little on the fact that several of our other teams had comfortable early leads only to have everything fall completely apart rather suddenly and mysteriously. It must have been solar flares, or perhaps the waning gibbous.

Luckily, if you’re following Jimmy the Geek on Twitter, you got last’s night’s TWINNER, Nebraska -3.5, and you’re already up. It’s time to start getting your game face ready.

SATURDAY

Auburn at Arkansas (+2.5), Noon ET on ESPN

Auburn is 5-0 with wins over Tennessee and West Virginia. Most years, that’s Top 10, no questions asked, but Auburn finds itself once again struggling for national respect. Auburn’s defense hasn’t played well, Arkansas is much worse. Former Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville recently said Arkansas’ defense “can’t stop a cold.” What?

Anyway, let’s not forget that Auburn offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn spent his torturous first college tenure as offensive coordinator at Arkansas reportedly being called “high school” by other members of the (now departed) Houston Nutt coaching staff. There are a lot more interesting story lines in this one, too, but Auburn will come out on top in a shootout. Take the Tigers -2.5.

Alabama at Ole Miss (+5.5), 3:30 ET on CBS

This is tearing me apart. I love Alabama football, so my passion is creeping over into my business stuff. But who am I to question a system? Let’s remember that Tim Brando, the host of CBS college football, said emphatically a few weeks ago that “on paper, Ole Miss is more talented than Alabama.” He must have been referring to his rolling papers, because he was obviously smoking something. Or is it just because his daughter is an Ole Miss student? Like I said: Ole Miss fans, last year is as good as it gets for you. Alabama rolls: Crimson Tide -5.5.

Michigan at Iowa (-8), 8 p.m. ET on ABC

I don’t think I’d watch this game if they were playing in my back yard. Still, Michigan is better. Wolverines +8.

Georgia Tech at FSU (+3), 8 p.m. ET on ESPN2

Bobby Bowden was asked a legitimate question about his future by a female reporter and, after a curt response chiding the question itself, uttered the phrase, “just like a woman.” Nice, Bobby. Why don’t you send her off to get you a cup of coffee and slap her on the ass for good measure? FSU’s coaching staff is in turmoil … Jackets -3.

Florida -7.5 at LSU, 8 p.m. ET on CBS

Anyone who thinks home field advantage makes a difference in the NFL should watch this game. A Saturday night game in Baton Rouge is one of the rowdiest, noisiest events anywhere. LSU fans will start with Bloody Marys in the morning, devour fantastic food and drink all day, and this stadium will be on fire when the game starts, most likely with a young Florida quarterback making his first big-time start while.

At some point late in the game, with the score close, The Hat will make some boneheaded, roll-the-dice call that will leave everyone baffled. If he gets lucky, he wins. If not, he loses. Either way, this one stays close: Tigers +7.5

SUNDAY

“Even the losers get lucky sometimes.”
- Tom Petty

After several heartbreakers last week, Sunday looks like one of those special days when you know going in that, even if you lose every game, you won so much on Saturday that it doesn’t matter. You make your first flip through all the early NFL games when the scores are just starting to post, and everything looks pretty good. As the day passes and more points pile up, things keep going your way and you feel smarter and better looking by the minute.

Maybe you’ll have a beer. Maybe you’ve already had several. Maybe it’s Wing Day with some extra ranch dressing, or the special cheese dip she makes with the little tomato chunks and the sour cream layered in… Whatever it is at your house, it’s Sunday, and it all tastes sweeter with a day full of winners.

Minnesota at St. Louis (+10)

Brett “There is an “I” in ‘win’” Favre was every bit as good as he thinks he is last week, making a pretty good Packers team look like Vienna sausages. This week would normally be a let-down game, but this Rams team is so bad that it won’t matter if the Vikings don’t show up 100%. Lay the 10 and take Green Bay.

Oakland at NY Giants (-15.5)

Is there anything better than having the guts to ride out a hot streak for all it’s worth? Most people want to pull some chips back after a few hot hands. We call those people “losers.” Giants have won two in a row for us, but can they make it three with a questionable Eli? Gary Myers of the New York Daily News thinks so. He said backup David Carr “can win this game. Heck, Joe Pisarcik can win this game.” (link). Oakland is terrible and will remain terrible as long as Jamarcus Russell is involved. Let’s make it three covers in a row: Giants -15.5.

New England at Denver (+3.5)

Whoever said Tom Brady was washed up is an idiot. Get ready for the Wes Walker show Sunday afternoon at Mile High – Patriots -3.5.

Indianapolis at Tennessee

Las Vegas seems to be holding on to some shred of hope that Tennessee really isn’t as bad as they looked this year, that this may be the game when they finally step it up at home. The system knows better. The Colts offense is clicking this year and will have no trouble putting away a shaky Titans team. Colts -4.5

New York Jets at Miami (+1.5)

The Jets met their match last week against high-powered New Orleans, but Miami doesn’t have nearly the guns. The key matchup here will be the Jets defense against the Miami ground game. New York should control the line of scrimmage and muscle out a victory in this one: Jets -1.5

WEEKEND UPDATE

Bad news, sports fans. Jimmy has to take a little road trip this weekend. There’s a good chance that come kickoff, I’ll be somewhere that would frown on my usual Game Day indulgence of Smirnoff, Mountain Dew and buckets of buffalo wings and ranch dressing. But don’t you worry – I’ll be keeping a close eye, or at least an ear, on the developments, and if any new winners pop up, I’ll tweet as many as possible, but I apologize in advance if my usual twitter hilarity is stifled somewhat by sobriety.

To recap, here are this week’s winners:

Auburn -2.5 at Arkansas, Noon ET on ESPN

Alabama -5.5 at Ole Miss, 3:30 ET on CBS

Michigan +8 at Iowa, 8 p.m. ET on ABC

Georgia Tech -3 at FSU

LSU +7.5 vs Florida

Minnesota -10 at St. Louis

New York Giants -15.5 vs Oakland

New England -3.5 at Denver

Indianapolis -4.5 at Tennessee

New York Jets -1.5 at Miami

MAIL BAG

Jimmy,

You’re an idiot. I jumped off your bandwagon as soon as Virginia (+13.5) won outright at North Carolina.
- R

R: Quitters are losers. Have fun in loserville.

Jimmy,

That was brilliant picking Nebraska for your TWINNER last night. How’d you know?
- T

T: Pelini coached under Saban – that’s all I need to know.