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Dear god, yes. Please. Let’s hope this is the last time I have to use the “F-word” again this season…. If for no other reason than he’s just become so incredibly annoying.

When he quit Green Bay, this is what he said:

“It’s over. I’ve given everything I can possibly give to this organization, to the game of football, and I don’t think I’ve got anything left to give.”

When he imploded during the stretch run last season with the Jets (2 TDs, 9 INTs and endless questionable decisions) and realized he wouldn’t be welcome back because most of the team hated him, here’s what he said:

“I foresee myself getting the impulse to play, but … I could never bring myself to do it. I know I won’t do it.”

Look, I don’t necessarily care about him being a man of his word. Sports is now (has been and forever will be) populated by lying sacks. You just suck now, that’s all. You were a great player for a long time and you were really fun to watch. But all you do is piss on your own reputation – and worse than that, you make me have to watch your sorry ass every Sunday. And I can’t stomach it anymore.

And for anyone who thinks that Brett will take a backseat role to Adrian Peterson and just do enough to help the team by keeping his mistakes in check and not dropping back thirty yards to buy enough time to unleash one of his Madden ’10-type passes, think again:

“I don’t know what I’m going to be asked to do, but I know how to do one thing in particular and that’s be a leader and do things a certain way.”

That was three days into the New era. Oh yeah… that’s got success written all over it.

Stay away from Brett. For the love of all creatures big and small, stay away.

We good?

Whew. Okay. Needed to get that off my chest. Moving on.

Question: In your opinion, do Brian Westbrook and/or LaDanian Tomlinson have anything left in the tank?
B. Westbrook and L. Tomlinson

Ha! I’m not falling for that trap. I know that due to a slight tear in the fabric of reality, Westbrook and I are linked. Whatever I do will inversely affect how he performs this season. I pick him and it’s injuries galore. I let him slip past me and he opens up the season with a 100+ yard, four touchdown game (see: Game 13 of last season when I sat him on Thanksgiving in place of… Darren McFadden. I know, I know… it’s a wonder they let me come back and write for this site).

All right, here goes: if you’re pinning your hopes on Westbrook to be your #1 back, you’re screwed. Too many other options, and you just can’t rely on someone who’s coming off ankle surgery and continues to have flare-ups in his knee. That said, if he falls to mid-second round, it’d be hard to pass on all that potential.

As for LaDanian, call me crazy – I know what my esteemed colleague said in his Caveat Emptor article, but can you really pass him over if you’re picking mid-first round? The Chargers are facing the second best strength of schedule when it comes to run defense this year, and Tomlinson is healthy (so healthy that he’s actually participating in preseason games, which he hasn’t done since 2005). You don’t think this guy wants to come back and have a monster season after a lackluster 2008 (lackluster for him that is – he still had over 1600 total yards and 14 TDs). Sure, you’re taking a risk with all that mileage, but look at all the other question marks in the first round. You telling me they’re not as risky if not more?

Question: What’s with Michael Vick? Can’t we just take him out back and shoot him?
Stella McCartney, PETA

Honestly? No. All of these people sick to their stomachs over Vick’s return need to calm down. The man served eighteen months in a federal prison, destroyed his career and had to file for bankruptcy. Like him or hate him, he’s gone through the system and is now trying to rebuild his life. So cut him a little bit of slack.

As for his fantasy life, I’d say that’s about all but over (for now, at least). Unless, of course, Donovan McNabb goes down with an injury around Week 12 (after Vick’s had some time to play and get back into the swing of things). Then maybe.

Don’t get me wrong – I think he can actually be an offensive catalyst if that team stays healthy, circa Ronnie Brown last year. He can still be a game changer at 29. But don’t draft him and unless you have a giant bench, keep him off your radar for now.

Question: Can the Giants win the Super Bowl this year?
P. Burress, Hoosegow, Upstate New York

As much as it pains me to say this, no. The absence of Burressleaves them unproven at wide received – and while it’s no secret that the Giants’ offensive always has revolved around smashmouth football, the man with the $100 million contract and $2 arm can only succeed if his delicate confidence isn’t rattled. You could see it when Shockey left a couple of years back and Eli suddenly transformed from scared kid to the Little Manning that Could (and Super Bowl MVP). You could see it swing back the other way last season after Burress went out and Eli didn’t trust anyone to haul in his oft-wild throws, so he decided to play it safe.

Is someone going to step up on this team and catch passes? Of course. Steve Smith is your dependable Amani Toomer replacement, Mario Manningham is your downfield burner and Ramses Barden is your tall target who will eventually gain Eli’s trust. But no one worth drafting, by any means.

Bottom line is: the Giants will dominate games with their defense and running, but by the time they get to the playoffs and teams dare Manning to throw, it’s not going to go well for the team.

Glad I don’t root for them… (gulp)

Question: All right – let’s have it, then. Who’s going to the Super Bowl?
T. Coughlin, East Rutherford, NJ

The Pats are cruising back this year. You know it, I know and clearly Vegas knows it judging by the odds they were laying when I was there last week. Remember two years ago when they were piling up all of those “f**k you” scores just to rub it in everyone’s faces after they were pegged as cheaters? Well, now they all have something to prove: they’ve still got to be steaming from having their perfect season ruined by the Giants in the Super Bowl two years ago. Brady wants to come back and take the NFL’s Best QB mantle back from Brees. Moss wants to prove that with Brady back, he’s The Man again. Hell, even Fred Taylor wants to prove what he can do now that Maurice Jones-Drew is out of his way. These guys are going to put up MONSTER points. Brady and Moss might not get as unconscious as they were in 2007, but if you haven’t snatched them up by Round 2, you’re a moron.

The only question is: who the hell shows up as the sacrificial lambs from the NFC? Well, I’ve already written off the Giants. And as much as it absolutely pains me to say this, I’m picking Philadelphia. If those guys stay healthy, they have the offensive weapons (McNabb, Vick, Westbrook, DeSean Jackson, an up-and-coming Brent Celek, Kevin Curtis and potential rookie needle-mover Jermey Maclin) and a defense that keeps them in games (fourth in the NFL last year in yards allowed at 18.1).

Question: What the hell did I do to deserve being put on your colleague’s “2009 Busts” list?? Over 1,500 yards rushing and 14 TDs last season, you f**kheads! What gives?
M. Turner, Atlanta, GA

Sorry to tell you this, Mike, but I’m not your biggest fan either. I know a lot of people have you as high as #2 (and a few really sick ones have you at #1) in other publications and mock drafts being played out across the free world. But in addition to the “370 carry curse” that Ryan mentioned, you are facing the toughest strength of schedule in the entire league this year. That scares the hell out of me. You don’t think defenses aren’t going to stack the box and dare Matt Ryan to beat them? I know he had a great rookie season and has Tony Gonzalez as yet another threat, but I’d rather take my chances with him if I’m a defensive coordinator. Plus, you never catch the ball. I need a little more versatility from my top back.

Oh, and you’re really fat.

Question: I’m back with Kim Kardashian after a brief split. And I’m telling everyone I’m healthy. Oh, and my offense rocks. Where do you see me getting drafted?
R. Bush, New Orleans

Well, that’s kinda the key, isn’t it? You seem healthy, but it’s only a matter of time, Reg. In fact, UI heard you already have tweaked your knee and calf in training camp/preseason. Honestly, I don’t touch you with a ten foot pole (although I do hope to steal Pierre Thomas around the third round. That guy is going to be huge this year). I don’t see you going as anyone’s #2 back (unless it’s a point-per-reception league). Maybe people want an actual, y’know, every down back who doesn’t make you reach for your rosary beads every time he’s tackled. But I’m kooky that way.

Question: Do you like anyone?
Pretty much everyone I meet…

You mean, in life or in fantasy? Let’s assume you mean in fantasy. Well, like I said – I love Brady and Moss for big comebacks this year. I think Tomlinson stays healthy for at least the first half of the year… but you might want to start sniffing around for trade offers around Week 8. I like Clinton Portisand easily think he’s a top back (he was going like gangbusters until that he and that offensive line got banged up last year). However, like Tomlinison, you might want to think about him as trade bait going into the second half.

I also think:

• Darren McFadden and Marques Colston overcome last season’s injuries to have solid (but not great) seasons.
• Tony Romo, now that he’s shed all that dead weight (yes, I’m talking to you, Jessica), will actually focus again and have a great year.
• DeSean Jackson blows up for at least 12 touchdowns.
• Ahmad Bradshaw plays a big role this year – especially when Brandon Jacobs gets hurt (which will happen).
• Donald Brown is your rookie of the year.

…and finally…

Question: What’s with Plaxico Burress? Can’t we just take him out back and shoot him?
Warden Norton, Shawshank Prison

Too late.

This week, Plax accepted a two-year prison sentence for a firearm charge. If you remember, Plaxico was at the LQ nightclub in NYC when he accidentally shot himself in the thigh.

Now, I think Plaxico is a complete moron, but this is particularly harsh. After all, isn’t the pain (and embarrassment) of shooting yourself, as well as getting cut from your cushy NFL job and potentially suspended from the NFL, punishment enough? Was tacking on two years of prison really necessary?

And when he gets to the ol’ hoosegow, do you think that he gets royal treatment for being a Super Bowl hero, or does he start hearing a lot of “hey big man, come over here… I’ll shoot you in the thigh, if you know what I mean…”

Stay, tough, Plax… here’s hoping you don’t come out any wider a receiver than when you went in.

Until next week…