Quarterbacks

Can’t Miss Starters

Tom Brady NE at MIA
Peyton Manning IND vs. TEN
Brett Favre MIN at AZ

Strong Starters

Drew Brees NO at WAS
Philip Rivers SD at CLE
Aaron Rodgers GB vs. BAL
Donovan McNabb PHI at ATL
Matt Schaub HOU at JAC
Tony Romo DAL at NYG
Jay Cutler CHI vs. STL
Carson Palmer CIN vs. DET

Mediocre Starters

Kyle Orton DEN at KC
Ben Roethlisberger PIT vs. OAK
David Garrard JAC vs. HOU
Matt Leinart AZ vs. MIN
Matt Hasselbeck SEA vs. SF
Vince Young TEN at IND
Alex Smith SF at SEA
Eli Manning NYG vs. DAL
Joe Flacco BAL at GB

Weak Starters

Ryan Fitzpatrick BUF vs. NYJ
Matt Moore CAR vs. TB
Matt Cassel KC vs. DEN
Kyle Boller STL at CHI

Bench Warmers

Chris Redman ATL vs. PHI
Josh Freeman TB at CAR
Chad Henne MIA vs. NE
Mark Sanchez NYJ at BUF
Bruce Gradkowski OAK at PIT
Brady Quinn CLE vs. SD
Jason Campbell WAS vs. NO
Matthew Stafford DET at CIN

Runningbacks

Can’t Miss Starters

Maurice Jones-Drew JAC vs. HOU
Steven Jackson STL at CHI
Thomas Jones NYJ at BUF
Adrian Peterson MIN at AZ
Chris Johnson TEN at IND
Rashard Mendenhall PIT vs. OAK

Strong Starters

LeSean McCoy PHI at ATL
Frank Gore SF at SEA
Ricky Williams MIA vs. NE
Ray Rice BAL at GB
LaDainian Tomlinson SD at CLE
Matt Forte CHI vs. STL
Jamaal Charles KC vs. DEN
Cedric Benson CIN vs. DET
Knowshon Moreno DEN at KC

Mediocre Starters

Ryan Grant GB vs. BAL
Joseph Addai IND vs. TEN
Brandon Jacobs NYG vs. DAL
Fred Jackson BUF vs. NYJ
Jonathan Stewart CAR vs. TB
Justin Forsett SEA vs. SF
Kevin Smith DET at CIN
DeAngelo Williams CAR vs. TB
Pierre Thomas NO at WAS
Laurence Maroney NE at MIA
Marion Barber DAL at NYG
Tim Hightower AZ vs. MIN
Cadillac Williams TB at CAR
Rock Cartwright WAS vs. NO

Weak Starters

Steve Slaton HOU at JAC
Chris Brown HOU at JAC
Mike Bell NO at WAS
Chris Jennings CLE vs. SD
Jason Snelling ATL vs. PHI
Darren McFadden OAK at PIT
Darren Sproles SD at CLE
Jerious Norwood ATL vs. PHI
Felix Jones DAL at NYG
Correll Buckhalter DEN at KC
Larry Johnson CIN vs. DET
Chester Taylor MIN at AZ
Shonn Greene NYJ at BUF
Brandon Jackson GB vs. BAL
Jerome Harrison CLE vs. SD
Marshawn Lynch BUF vs. NYJ
Derrick Ward TB at CAR
Justin Fargas OAK at PIT
Kevin Faulk NE at MIA
Kahlil Bell CHI vs. STL
LenDale White TEN at IND
Michael Bush OAK at PIT
Chad Simpson IND vs. TEN
Maurice Morris DET at CIN
Willis McGahee BAL at GB
Donald Brown IND vs. TEN

Bench Warmers

Quinton Ganther WAS vs. NO
Tashard Choice DAL at NYG
Ahmad Bradshaw NYG vs. DAL
Gartrell Johnson NYG vs. DAL
Aaron Stecker ATL vs. PHI
Kolby Smith KC vs. DEN
Willie Parker PIT vs. OAK
Mewelde Moore PIT vs. OAK
Rashad Jennings JAC vs. HOU
Benjarvus Green-Ellis NE at MIA
Ahman Green GB vs. BAL
Glen Coffee SF at SEA
Brian Leonard CIN vs. DET
Javon Ringer TEN at IND
Sammy Morris NE at MIA
Ryan Moats HOU at JAC
Reggie Bush NO at WAS
Bernard Scott CIN vs. DET
Michael Turner ATL vs. PHI
Danny Ware NYG vs. DAL
Julius Jones SEA vs. SF
Clinton Portis WAS vs. NO
Jamal Lewis CLE vs. SD
Brian Westbrook PHI at ATL

Wide Receivers

Can’t Miss Starters

Randy Moss NE at MIA
Andre Johnson HOU at JAC
Vincent Jackson SD at CLE
Sidney Rice MIN at AZ

Strong Starters

Larry Fitzgerald AZ vs. MIN
Reggie Wayne IND vs. TEN
Wes Welker NE at MIA
Miles Austin DAL at NYG
Mike Sims-Walker JAC vs. HOU
Donald Driver GB vs. BAL
Marques Colston NO at WAS
Chad Ochocinco CIN vs. DET
Jeremy Maclin PHI at ATL
Steve Smith NYG vs. DAL
Brandon Marshall DEN at KC
Anquan Boldin AZ vs. MIN
Steve Smith CAR vs. TB
Greg Jennings GB vs. BAL
Hines Ward PIT vs. OAK
Derrick Mason BAL at GB

Mediocre Starters

Nate Burleson SEA vs. SF
Roddy White ATL vs. PHI
Calvin Johnson DET at CIN
Lee Evans BUF vs. NYJ
Percy Harvin MIN at AZ
Donnie Avery STL at CHI
Robert Meachem NO at WAS
Chris Chambers KC vs. DEN
Pierre Garcon IND vs. TEN
Terrell Owens BUF vs. NYJ
Michael Crabtree SF at SEA
Kenny Britt TEN at IND
Braylon Edwards NYJ at BUF
Mario Manningham NYG vs. DAL
Kevin Walter HOU at JAC
Jason Avant PHI at ATL
Devin Hester CHI vs. STL
T.J. Houshmandzadeh SEA vs. SF
Jerricho Cotchery NYJ at BUF
Santonio Holmes PIT vs. OAK
Roy Williams DAL at NYG
Malcom Floyd SD at CLE
Nate Washington TEN at IND
Austin Collie IND vs. TEN
Hakeem Nicks NYG vs. DAL
Antonio Bryant TB at CAR

Weak Starters

Laveranues Coles CIN vs. DET
Santana Moss WAS vs. NO
Brandon Gibson STL at CHI
Steve Breaston AZ vs. MIN
Bernard Berrian MIN at AZ
Devery Henderson NO at WAS
Patrick Crayton DAL at NYG
Julian Edelman NE at MIA
Mike Wallace PIT vs. OAK
Andre Caldwell CIN vs. DET
Muhsin Muhammad CAR vs. TB
Bryant Johnson DET at CIN
Johnny Knox CHI vs. STL
Mohamed Massaquoi CLE vs. SD
Torry Holt JAC vs. HOU
Sam Aiken NE at MIA
Mark Clayton BAL at GB
Mike Thomas JAC vs. HOU
James Jones GB vs. BAL
Kelley Washington BAL at GB
Brian Hartline MIA vs. NE
Michael Jenkins ATL vs. PHI
Antwaan Randle El WAS vs. NO

Bench Warmers

Louis Murphy OAK at PIT
Josh Morgan SF at SEA
Devin Thomas WAS vs. NO
Jacoby Jones HOU at JAC
Andre Davis HOU at JAC
Ted Ginn MIA vs. NE
Chaz Schilens OAK at PIT
Earl Bennett CHI vs. STL
David Clowney NYJ at BUF
Deion Branch SEA vs. SF
Sammie Stroughter TB at CAR
Eddie Royal DEN at KC
Lance Long KC vs. DEN
Earl Bennett CHI vs. STL
David Clowney NYJ at BUF
Jabar Gaffney DEN at KC
Davone Bess MIA vs. NE
Greg Camarillo MIA vs. NE
Isaac Bruce SF at SEA
Justin Gage TEN at IND
Lance Moore NO at WAS
Bobby Wade KC vs. DEN
Jason Hill SF at SEA

Tight Ends

Can’t Miss Starters

Antonio Gates SD at CLE
Vernon Davis SF at SEA

Strong Starters

Dallas Clark IND vs. TEN
Tony Gonzalez ATL vs. PHI
Visanthe Shiancoe MIN at AZ
Greg Olsen CHI vs. STL
Kellen Winslow TB at CAR
Brent Celek PHI at ATL
Heath Miller PIT vs. OAK

Mediocre Starters

Jason Witten DAL at NYG
Zach Miller OAK at PIT
Dustin Keller NYJ at BUF
Jeremy Shockey NO at WAS
Jermichael Finley GB vs. BAL
Fred Davis WAS vs. NO
Kevin Boss NYG vs. DAL
Marcedes Lewis JAC vs. HOU
Todd Heap BAL at GB
David Thomas NO at WAS
John Carlson SEA vs. SF

Weak Starters

Casey FitzSimmons DET at CIN
Tony Scheffler DEN at KC
James Casey HOU at JAC
Ben Watson NE at MIA
Dante Rosario CAR vs. TB
Martellus Bennett DAL at NYG
Bo Scaife TEN at IND
Donald Lee GB vs. BAL
Anthony Fasano MIA vs. NE

Bench Warmers

Spencer Havner GB vs. BAL
Gary Barnidge CAR vs. TB
Sean Ryan KC vs. DEN
Daniel Fells STL at CHI
Daniel Graham DEN at KC
Brandon Pettigrew DET at CIN
John Paul Foschi CIN vs. DET

Kickers

Just pick one.

Defense

Can’t Miss Starters

Pittsburgh vs. Oakland
Philadelphia at Atlanta
Cincinnati vs. Detroit
San Diego at Cleveland
New Orleans at Washington

Strong Starters

Minnesota at Arizona
Buffalo vs. New York Jets
Green Bay vs. Baltimore
Denver at Kansas City
Chicago vs. St. Louis
San Francisco at Seattle
Carolina vs. Tampa Bay
New England at Miami
New York Jets at Buffalo

Mediocre Starters

Indianapolis vs. Tennessee
Dallas at New York Giants
Baltimore at Green Bay
New York Giants vs. Dallas
Seattle vs. San Francisco
Oakland at Pittsburgh

Weak Starters

St. Louis at Chicago
Tampa Bay at Carolina
Arizona vs. Minnesota
Jacksonville vs. Houston

Bench Warmers

Atlanta vs. Philadelphia
Tennessee at Indianapolis
Houston at Jacksonville
Detroit at Cincinnati
Kansas City vs. Denver
Washington vs. New Orleans
Miami vs. New England
Cleveland vs. San Diego

Apologies for the delay in getting a new article cranked out. A soul-crushing losing streak, a side trip to Vegas and my pesky real job got in the way. But I’m all rested up from the Thanksgiving break and ready to pick up where I left off.

Speaking of which, I had the pleasure to spend Thanksgiving at our friend’s (and fellow Rotoholics co-creator’s) house. All in all, the day went well – did a video conference with the east coast relatives (during which the kids made faces at each other, and the adults said “what did they just say?” over and over), ate my fair share of bird, watched my wife pass out from drinking too much and watched football… y’know, the usual.

As day turned to night, my once mighty New York Football Giants were busy filming an instructional “How To Get Your Ass Kicked In Prime Time” video. The G-Men imploded like a dying star, losing 26-6 to the free-falling Broncos. It was ugly. I’m talking CKT (Current Kathleen Turner) ugly.

The strangest part of it all? I didn’t care.

The Pendulum Swings…

For so many years, I’ve emotionally lived and died with every Giants’ W and L. An entire Sunday – hell, an entire week – could be ruined by a Giants loss. I’ve screamed at the television like a lunatic when they ran draw plays on 3^rd down, or when Eli threw off his back foot and into the welcoming arms of the opposition, or when the linebackers gave up yet another 100+ receiving day to some below average tight end, or when Brandon Jacobs failed to convert the 3rd-and-1 for the sixth time in the same game.

On the flip side, I’ve also reveled in their victories. I remember where I was during the ‘86 and ‘90 Super Bowls. Of course, 2007 may have been sweetest of all – partly because they beat the maybe-we-shouldn’t-have-had-those-19-and-0-t-shirts-out-in-the-open-like-that Patriots, and partly because the year prior was one of the worst I’d ever experienced personally. So little had gone right for me, and so few moments could be described as anything resembling positive. So to shake 2007 loose while at the same time feeling the jubilation of my favorite team winning a championship… well, it made my heart grow 3 sizes that day.

But the problem now is that I have TWO favorite teams: The Giants and Show Me Your TDs, my fantasy team. My fragile little mind cannot possibly bear the brunt of an emotional tug of war between the two. So I’ve had to detach myself from the Giants somewhat of late. It hasn’t been that hard, given the way they’re playing this year.

Don’t get me wrong – I still watch. I still root. I still yell at the TV when Eli does something stupid. But when the game is over, I can move on. My week isn’t ruined. I still have an appetite. If my fantasy team loses, on the other hand, I curl up in the fetal position and mutter to myself for hours like that chick at the end of “Paranormal Activity” (a situation that, unfortunately, has been all too familiar with me this season).

It’s Just a Fantasy…

Ok, so why choose fantasy over reality? Well, a few reasons:

• The Draft: The NFL Draft lasts something like 11 days. Over 10,000 college kids are selected. There’s 45 minutes between picks. It’s impossible to follow. On the other hand, the fantasy football draft is sacred (and may be the best day of the year). There’s all sorts of food and alcohol to gorge on before, during and after. Guys are huddled around laptops and stacks of paper as if they’re debriefing the president on North Korean missile development. Pot Chimney smoke fills the air like a London fog that just rolled in. There’s banter and putdowns. There’s a luxurious pool to retire to after it’s all over. [Well, that’s how my draft goes… if you’re not getting that experience, you’re not doing fantasy football right, my friends.]
• Those are my guys: As Jerry Seinfeld once noted, the way pro athletes change teams at will, there’s no sense of constancy or loyalty. “Basically, we’re just rooting for laundry” he said. How true. God knows I never asked for Eli Manning. Brandon Jacobs would not be welcome in my home. But the guys on my fantasy team? Those are the ones I chose (for better or for worse). I feel far more connected to them.
• “You’re benched, suckwad:” On a similar note, I get to control who plays and who sits. If my RB blows, I can bench him or dump his ass or try to trade him to Ryan. I can be all Holmgren-esque and get the mad power of coach and GM I crave.
• The Payoff – When the Giants win the Super Bowl, it’s a pretty cool feeling. I invested this time and effort to watch them and root for them during the course of the season, and there’s a certain satisfaction in knowing I wasn’t just rooting for some team that wasn’t good enough. But how often does your team actually win? And when they do, I don’t actually get anything. I mean, John Mara doesn’t write me a letter thanking me for my mental blood, sweat and tears. Plaxico Burress doesn’t send me a license plate he made for defending him in public. My fantasy team, on the other hand… well, if I win my league, I get a fairly similar sense of jubilation in addition to (a) the ability to hold it over my friends’ heads for an entire offseason; and (b) benjamins, baby. A fistful of ‘em.

Case closed.

The Giants are 6-5. Show Me Your TDs is 5-7. Remarkably, as bad as both have been, they still have a shot at the playoffs if they win out. Another loss for either and it’s bye-bye postseason. I can’t possibly deal with that sort of disappointment on both fronts. So I have to choose.

Sorry, Jints. It’s been a nice ride.