Quarterbacks

Can’t Miss Starters

Drew Brees NO at ATL
Kurt Warner AZ at SF
Peyton Manning IND vs. DEN
Aaron Rodgers GB at CHI

Strong Starters

Tom Brady NE vs. CAR
Philip Rivers SD at DAL
Tony Romo DAL vs. SD
Donovan McNabb PHI at NYG
Ben Roethlisberger PIT at CLE

Mediocre Starters

Brett Favre MIN vs. CIN
Matt Schaub HOU vs. SEA
Alex Smith SF vs. AZ
Joe Flacco BAL vs. DET
Vince Young TEN vs. STL
David Garrard JAC vs. MIA
Eli Manning NYG vs. PHI
Carson Palmer CIN at MIN
Matt Hasselbeck SEA at HOU

Weak Starters

Chad Henne MIA at JAC
Ryan Fitzpatrick BUF at KC
Kyle Orton DEN at IND
Chris Redman ATL vs. NO
Jason Campbell WAS at OAK
Josh Freeman TB vs. NYJ
Bruce Gradkowski OAK vs. WAS
Jay Cutler CHI vs. GB

Bench Warmers

Kellen Clemens NYJ at TB
Daunte Culpepper DET at BAL
Brady Quinn CLE vs. PIT
Matt Cassel KC vs. BUF
Matt Moore CAR at NE
Kyle Boller STL at TEN

Runningbacks

Can’t Miss Starters

Chris Johnson TEN vs. STL
Thomas Jones NYJ at TB
Rashard Mendenhall PIT at CLE
Ray Rice BAL vs. DET
Jamaal Charles KC vs. BUF

Strong Starters

Adrian Peterson MIN vs. CIN
Maurice Jones-Drew JAC vs. MIA
Steven Jackson STL at TEN
Ricky Williams MIA at JAC
Joseph Addai IND vs. DEN
LaDainian Tomlinson SD at DAL
Knowshon Moreno DEN at IND
Ryan Grant GB at CHI
Fred Jackson BUF at KC

Mediocre Starters

Cedric Benson CIN at MIN
Brandon Jacobs NYG vs. PHI
Frank Gore SF vs. AZ
Marion Barber DAL vs. SD
Tim Hightower AZ at SF
Kevin Smith DET at BAL
Matt Forte CHI vs. GB
Quinton Ganther WAS at OAK
Julius Jones SEA at HOU
Jonathan Stewart CAR at NE
Jason Snelling ATL vs. NO
Pierre Thomas NO at ATL
Mike Bell NO at ATL
Cadillac Williams TB vs. NYJ
LeSean McCoy PHI at NYG
Laurence Maroney NE vs. CAR
Marshawn Lynch BUF at KC
Shonn Greene NYJ at TB
Jerome Harrison CLE vs. PIT
DeAngelo Williams CAR at NE
Chris Brown HOU vs. SEA
Justin Forsett SEA at HOU
Justin Fargas OAK vs. WAS
Chris Wells AZ at SF
Correll Buckhalter DEN at IND
Arian Foster HOU vs. SEA

Weak Starters

Darren McFadden OAK vs. WAS
Ahmad Bradshaw NYG vs. PHI
Darren Sproles SD at DAL
Felix Jones DAL vs. SD
Sammy Morris NE vs. CAR
Willis McGahee BAL vs. DET
Chester Taylor MIN vs. CIN
Larry Johnson CIN at MIN
Ryan Moats HOU vs. SEA
Jerious Norwood ATL vs. NO
Rock Cartwright WAS at OAK
Reggie Bush NO at ATL

Bench Warmers

Brandon Jackson GB at CHI
Kevin Faulk NE vs. CAR
LenDale White TEN vs. STL
Michael Bush OAK vs. WAS
Derrick Ward TB vs. NYJ
Chad Simpson IND vs. DEN
Maurice Morris DET at BAL
Kahlil Bell CHI vs. GB
Tashard Choice DAL vs. SD
Chris Jennings CLE vs. PIT
Brian Westbrook PHI at NYG
Willie Parker PIT at CLE
Mewelde Moore PIT at CLE

Wide Receivers

Can’t Miss Starters

Larry Fitzgerald AZ at SF
Andre Johnson HOU vs. SEA
Wes Welker NE vs. CAR
Anquan Boldin AZ at SF
Reggie Wayne IND vs. DEN

Strong Starters

Randy Moss NE vs. CAR
Marques Colston NO at ATL
Miles Austin DAL vs. SD
Robert Meachem NO at ATL
Roddy White ATL vs. NO
Santonio Holmes PIT at CLE
Donald Driver GB at CHI
Derrick Mason BAL vs. DET
Sidney Rice MIN vs. CIN
Mike Sims-Walker JAC vs. MIA
Calvin Johnson DET at BAL
Vincent Jackson SD at DAL
Chad Johnson CIN at MIN
Pierre Garcon IND vs. DEN
Greg Jennings GB at CHI
Terrell Owens BUF at KC
Brandon Marshall DEN at IND
Steve Smith NYG vs. PHI

Mediocre Starters

Percy Harvin MIN vs. CIN
Nate Burleson SEA at HOU
Hines Ward PIT at CLE
Kenny Britt TEN vs. STL
Roy Williams DAL vs. SD
Steve Smith CAR at NE
Jeremy Maclin PHI at NYG
Lee Evans BUF at KC
Michael Crabtree SF vs. AZ
Jerricho Cotchery NYJ at TB
Austin Collie IND vs. DEN
Chris Chambers KC vs. BU
Mike Wallace PIT at CLE
Hakeem Nicks NYG vs. PHI
Kevin Walter HOU vs. SEA
T.J. Houshmandzadeh SEA at HOU
Nate Washington TEN vs. STL
Davone Bess MIA at JAC
Devin Hester CHI vs. GB
Sam Aiken NE vs. CAR
Steve Breaston AZ at SF
Mohamed Massaquoi CLE vs. PIT
Antonio Bryant TB vs. NYJ

Weak Starters

Donnie Avery STL at TEN
Malcom Floyd SD at DAL
Santana Moss WAS at OAK
Johnny Knox CHI vs. GB
Jason Avant PHI at NYG
Mario Manningham NYG vs. PHI
Devery Henderson NO at ATL
Earl Bennett CHI vs. GB
Patrick Crayton DAL vs. SD
Braylon Edwards NYJ at TB
Laveranues Coles CIN at MIN
Louis Murphy OAK vs. WAS
Brian Hartline MIA at JAC
Brandon Gibson STL at TEN
James Jones GB at CHI
Bernard Berrian MIN vs. CIN
Devin Thomas WAS at OAK
Andre Caldwell CIN at MIN
Bryant Johnson DET at BAL
Mark Clayton BAL vs. DET

Bench Warmers

Mike Thomas JAC vs. MIA
Muhsin Muhammad CAR at NE
Julian Edelman NE vs. CAR
Kelley Washington BAL vs. DET
Michael Jenkins ATL vs. NO
Jacoby Jones HOU vs. SEA
Andre Davis HOU vs. SEA
Ted Ginn MIA at JAC
Chaz Schilens OAK vs. WAS
Antwaan Randle El WAS at OAK
Josh Morgan SF vs. AZ
Torry Holt JAC vs. MIA
Deion Branch SEA at HOU
Jabar Gaffney DEN at IND
Limas Sweed PIT at CLE
Greg Camarillo MIA at JAC
Sammie Stroughter TB vs. NYJ
Eddie Royal DEN at IND
Lance Long KC vs. BUF
Justin Gage TEN vs. STL
Bobby Wade KC vs. BUF
Isaac Bruce SF vs. AZ

Tight Ends

Can’t Miss Starters

Vernon Davis SF vs. AZ

Strong Starters

Dallas Clark IND vs. DEN
Tony Gonzalez ATL vs. NO
Antonio Gates SD at DAL
Heath Miller PIT at CLE
Jason Witten DAL vs. SD
Brent Celek PHI at NYG
Visanthe Shiancoe MIN vs. CIN

Mediocre Starters

Jermichael Finley GB at CHI
Kellen Winslow TB vs. NYJ
Greg Olsen CHI vs. GB
Zach Miller OAK vs. WAS
Fred Davis WAS at OAK
Jeremy Shockey NO at ATL
Kevin Boss NYG vs. PHI
Dustin Keller NYJ at TB
Anthony Fasano MIA at JAC

Weak Starters

Marcedes Lewis JAC vs. MIA
David Thomas NO at ATL
Todd Heap BAL vs. DET
Casey FitzSimmons DET at BAL
Tony Scheffler DEN at IND
James Casey HOU vs. SEA

Bench Warmers

Martellus Bennett DAL vs. SD
Ben Watson NE vs. CAR
John Carlson SEA at HOU
Dante Rosario CAR at NE
Bo Scaife TEN vs. STL
Gary Barnidge CAR at NE
Donald Lee GB at CHI

Kickers

Just pick one.

Defense

Can’t Miss Starters

Tennessee vs. St. Louis
New Orleans at Atlanta
New York Jets at Tampa Bay
Baltimore vs. Detroit
Green Bay at Chicago
Pittsburgh at Cleveland

Strong Starters

Minnesota vs. Cincinnati
New England vs. Carolina
Indianapolis vs. Denver
Washington at Oakland

Mediocre Starters

Houston vs. Seattle
Philadelphia at New York Giants
Buffalo at Kansas City
Dallas vs. San Diego
New York Giants vs. Philadelphia
San Francisco vs. Arizona
San Diego at Dallas
Cincinnati at Minnesota

Weak Starters

Oakland vs. Washington
Arizona at San Francisco
Miami at Jacksonville
Denver at Indianapolis

Bench Warmers

Jacksonville vs. Miami
Kansas City vs. Buffalo
Tampa Bay vs. New York Jets
Cleveland vs. Pittsburgh
St. Louis at Tennessee
Seattle at Houston
Detroit at Baltimore
Chicago vs. Green Bay
Carolina at New England
Atlanta vs. New Orleans

Quarterbacks

Can’t Miss Starters

Tom Brady NE at MIA
Peyton Manning IND vs. TEN
Brett Favre MIN at AZ

Strong Starters

Drew Brees NO at WAS
Philip Rivers SD at CLE
Aaron Rodgers GB vs. BAL
Donovan McNabb PHI at ATL
Matt Schaub HOU at JAC
Tony Romo DAL at NYG
Jay Cutler CHI vs. STL
Carson Palmer CIN vs. DET

Mediocre Starters

Kyle Orton DEN at KC
Ben Roethlisberger PIT vs. OAK
David Garrard JAC vs. HOU
Matt Leinart AZ vs. MIN
Matt Hasselbeck SEA vs. SF
Vince Young TEN at IND
Alex Smith SF at SEA
Eli Manning NYG vs. DAL
Joe Flacco BAL at GB

Weak Starters

Ryan Fitzpatrick BUF vs. NYJ
Matt Moore CAR vs. TB
Matt Cassel KC vs. DEN
Kyle Boller STL at CHI

Bench Warmers

Chris Redman ATL vs. PHI
Josh Freeman TB at CAR
Chad Henne MIA vs. NE
Mark Sanchez NYJ at BUF
Bruce Gradkowski OAK at PIT
Brady Quinn CLE vs. SD
Jason Campbell WAS vs. NO
Matthew Stafford DET at CIN

Runningbacks

Can’t Miss Starters

Maurice Jones-Drew JAC vs. HOU
Steven Jackson STL at CHI
Thomas Jones NYJ at BUF
Adrian Peterson MIN at AZ
Chris Johnson TEN at IND
Rashard Mendenhall PIT vs. OAK

Strong Starters

LeSean McCoy PHI at ATL
Frank Gore SF at SEA
Ricky Williams MIA vs. NE
Ray Rice BAL at GB
LaDainian Tomlinson SD at CLE
Matt Forte CHI vs. STL
Jamaal Charles KC vs. DEN
Cedric Benson CIN vs. DET
Knowshon Moreno DEN at KC

Mediocre Starters

Ryan Grant GB vs. BAL
Joseph Addai IND vs. TEN
Brandon Jacobs NYG vs. DAL
Fred Jackson BUF vs. NYJ
Jonathan Stewart CAR vs. TB
Justin Forsett SEA vs. SF
Kevin Smith DET at CIN
DeAngelo Williams CAR vs. TB
Pierre Thomas NO at WAS
Laurence Maroney NE at MIA
Marion Barber DAL at NYG
Tim Hightower AZ vs. MIN
Cadillac Williams TB at CAR
Rock Cartwright WAS vs. NO

Weak Starters

Steve Slaton HOU at JAC
Chris Brown HOU at JAC
Mike Bell NO at WAS
Chris Jennings CLE vs. SD
Jason Snelling ATL vs. PHI
Darren McFadden OAK at PIT
Darren Sproles SD at CLE
Jerious Norwood ATL vs. PHI
Felix Jones DAL at NYG
Correll Buckhalter DEN at KC
Larry Johnson CIN vs. DET
Chester Taylor MIN at AZ
Shonn Greene NYJ at BUF
Brandon Jackson GB vs. BAL
Jerome Harrison CLE vs. SD
Marshawn Lynch BUF vs. NYJ
Derrick Ward TB at CAR
Justin Fargas OAK at PIT
Kevin Faulk NE at MIA
Kahlil Bell CHI vs. STL
LenDale White TEN at IND
Michael Bush OAK at PIT
Chad Simpson IND vs. TEN
Maurice Morris DET at CIN
Willis McGahee BAL at GB
Donald Brown IND vs. TEN

Bench Warmers

Quinton Ganther WAS vs. NO
Tashard Choice DAL at NYG
Ahmad Bradshaw NYG vs. DAL
Gartrell Johnson NYG vs. DAL
Aaron Stecker ATL vs. PHI
Kolby Smith KC vs. DEN
Willie Parker PIT vs. OAK
Mewelde Moore PIT vs. OAK
Rashad Jennings JAC vs. HOU
Benjarvus Green-Ellis NE at MIA
Ahman Green GB vs. BAL
Glen Coffee SF at SEA
Brian Leonard CIN vs. DET
Javon Ringer TEN at IND
Sammy Morris NE at MIA
Ryan Moats HOU at JAC
Reggie Bush NO at WAS
Bernard Scott CIN vs. DET
Michael Turner ATL vs. PHI
Danny Ware NYG vs. DAL
Julius Jones SEA vs. SF
Clinton Portis WAS vs. NO
Jamal Lewis CLE vs. SD
Brian Westbrook PHI at ATL

Wide Receivers

Can’t Miss Starters

Randy Moss NE at MIA
Andre Johnson HOU at JAC
Vincent Jackson SD at CLE
Sidney Rice MIN at AZ

Strong Starters

Larry Fitzgerald AZ vs. MIN
Reggie Wayne IND vs. TEN
Wes Welker NE at MIA
Miles Austin DAL at NYG
Mike Sims-Walker JAC vs. HOU
Donald Driver GB vs. BAL
Marques Colston NO at WAS
Chad Ochocinco CIN vs. DET
Jeremy Maclin PHI at ATL
Steve Smith NYG vs. DAL
Brandon Marshall DEN at KC
Anquan Boldin AZ vs. MIN
Steve Smith CAR vs. TB
Greg Jennings GB vs. BAL
Hines Ward PIT vs. OAK
Derrick Mason BAL at GB

Mediocre Starters

Nate Burleson SEA vs. SF
Roddy White ATL vs. PHI
Calvin Johnson DET at CIN
Lee Evans BUF vs. NYJ
Percy Harvin MIN at AZ
Donnie Avery STL at CHI
Robert Meachem NO at WAS
Chris Chambers KC vs. DEN
Pierre Garcon IND vs. TEN
Terrell Owens BUF vs. NYJ
Michael Crabtree SF at SEA
Kenny Britt TEN at IND
Braylon Edwards NYJ at BUF
Mario Manningham NYG vs. DAL
Kevin Walter HOU at JAC
Jason Avant PHI at ATL
Devin Hester CHI vs. STL
T.J. Houshmandzadeh SEA vs. SF
Jerricho Cotchery NYJ at BUF
Santonio Holmes PIT vs. OAK
Roy Williams DAL at NYG
Malcom Floyd SD at CLE
Nate Washington TEN at IND
Austin Collie IND vs. TEN
Hakeem Nicks NYG vs. DAL
Antonio Bryant TB at CAR

Weak Starters

Laveranues Coles CIN vs. DET
Santana Moss WAS vs. NO
Brandon Gibson STL at CHI
Steve Breaston AZ vs. MIN
Bernard Berrian MIN at AZ
Devery Henderson NO at WAS
Patrick Crayton DAL at NYG
Julian Edelman NE at MIA
Mike Wallace PIT vs. OAK
Andre Caldwell CIN vs. DET
Muhsin Muhammad CAR vs. TB
Bryant Johnson DET at CIN
Johnny Knox CHI vs. STL
Mohamed Massaquoi CLE vs. SD
Torry Holt JAC vs. HOU
Sam Aiken NE at MIA
Mark Clayton BAL at GB
Mike Thomas JAC vs. HOU
James Jones GB vs. BAL
Kelley Washington BAL at GB
Brian Hartline MIA vs. NE
Michael Jenkins ATL vs. PHI
Antwaan Randle El WAS vs. NO

Bench Warmers

Louis Murphy OAK at PIT
Josh Morgan SF at SEA
Devin Thomas WAS vs. NO
Jacoby Jones HOU at JAC
Andre Davis HOU at JAC
Ted Ginn MIA vs. NE
Chaz Schilens OAK at PIT
Earl Bennett CHI vs. STL
David Clowney NYJ at BUF
Deion Branch SEA vs. SF
Sammie Stroughter TB at CAR
Eddie Royal DEN at KC
Lance Long KC vs. DEN
Earl Bennett CHI vs. STL
David Clowney NYJ at BUF
Jabar Gaffney DEN at KC
Davone Bess MIA vs. NE
Greg Camarillo MIA vs. NE
Isaac Bruce SF at SEA
Justin Gage TEN at IND
Lance Moore NO at WAS
Bobby Wade KC vs. DEN
Jason Hill SF at SEA

Tight Ends

Can’t Miss Starters

Antonio Gates SD at CLE
Vernon Davis SF at SEA

Strong Starters

Dallas Clark IND vs. TEN
Tony Gonzalez ATL vs. PHI
Visanthe Shiancoe MIN at AZ
Greg Olsen CHI vs. STL
Kellen Winslow TB at CAR
Brent Celek PHI at ATL
Heath Miller PIT vs. OAK

Mediocre Starters

Jason Witten DAL at NYG
Zach Miller OAK at PIT
Dustin Keller NYJ at BUF
Jeremy Shockey NO at WAS
Jermichael Finley GB vs. BAL
Fred Davis WAS vs. NO
Kevin Boss NYG vs. DAL
Marcedes Lewis JAC vs. HOU
Todd Heap BAL at GB
David Thomas NO at WAS
John Carlson SEA vs. SF

Weak Starters

Casey FitzSimmons DET at CIN
Tony Scheffler DEN at KC
James Casey HOU at JAC
Ben Watson NE at MIA
Dante Rosario CAR vs. TB
Martellus Bennett DAL at NYG
Bo Scaife TEN at IND
Donald Lee GB vs. BAL
Anthony Fasano MIA vs. NE

Bench Warmers

Spencer Havner GB vs. BAL
Gary Barnidge CAR vs. TB
Sean Ryan KC vs. DEN
Daniel Fells STL at CHI
Daniel Graham DEN at KC
Brandon Pettigrew DET at CIN
John Paul Foschi CIN vs. DET

Kickers

Just pick one.

Defense

Can’t Miss Starters

Pittsburgh vs. Oakland
Philadelphia at Atlanta
Cincinnati vs. Detroit
San Diego at Cleveland
New Orleans at Washington

Strong Starters

Minnesota at Arizona
Buffalo vs. New York Jets
Green Bay vs. Baltimore
Denver at Kansas City
Chicago vs. St. Louis
San Francisco at Seattle
Carolina vs. Tampa Bay
New England at Miami
New York Jets at Buffalo

Mediocre Starters

Indianapolis vs. Tennessee
Dallas at New York Giants
Baltimore at Green Bay
New York Giants vs. Dallas
Seattle vs. San Francisco
Oakland at Pittsburgh

Weak Starters

St. Louis at Chicago
Tampa Bay at Carolina
Arizona vs. Minnesota
Jacksonville vs. Houston

Bench Warmers

Atlanta vs. Philadelphia
Tennessee at Indianapolis
Houston at Jacksonville
Detroit at Cincinnati
Kansas City vs. Denver
Washington vs. New Orleans
Miami vs. New England
Cleveland vs. San Diego

Apologies for the delay in getting a new article cranked out. A soul-crushing losing streak, a side trip to Vegas and my pesky real job got in the way. But I’m all rested up from the Thanksgiving break and ready to pick up where I left off.

Speaking of which, I had the pleasure to spend Thanksgiving at our friend’s (and fellow Rotoholics co-creator’s) house. All in all, the day went well – did a video conference with the east coast relatives (during which the kids made faces at each other, and the adults said “what did they just say?” over and over), ate my fair share of bird, watched my wife pass out from drinking too much and watched football… y’know, the usual.

As day turned to night, my once mighty New York Football Giants were busy filming an instructional “How To Get Your Ass Kicked In Prime Time” video. The G-Men imploded like a dying star, losing 26-6 to the free-falling Broncos. It was ugly. I’m talking CKT (Current Kathleen Turner) ugly.

The strangest part of it all? I didn’t care.

The Pendulum Swings…

For so many years, I’ve emotionally lived and died with every Giants’ W and L. An entire Sunday – hell, an entire week – could be ruined by a Giants loss. I’ve screamed at the television like a lunatic when they ran draw plays on 3^rd down, or when Eli threw off his back foot and into the welcoming arms of the opposition, or when the linebackers gave up yet another 100+ receiving day to some below average tight end, or when Brandon Jacobs failed to convert the 3rd-and-1 for the sixth time in the same game.

On the flip side, I’ve also reveled in their victories. I remember where I was during the ‘86 and ‘90 Super Bowls. Of course, 2007 may have been sweetest of all – partly because they beat the maybe-we-shouldn’t-have-had-those-19-and-0-t-shirts-out-in-the-open-like-that Patriots, and partly because the year prior was one of the worst I’d ever experienced personally. So little had gone right for me, and so few moments could be described as anything resembling positive. So to shake 2007 loose while at the same time feeling the jubilation of my favorite team winning a championship… well, it made my heart grow 3 sizes that day.

But the problem now is that I have TWO favorite teams: The Giants and Show Me Your TDs, my fantasy team. My fragile little mind cannot possibly bear the brunt of an emotional tug of war between the two. So I’ve had to detach myself from the Giants somewhat of late. It hasn’t been that hard, given the way they’re playing this year.

Don’t get me wrong – I still watch. I still root. I still yell at the TV when Eli does something stupid. But when the game is over, I can move on. My week isn’t ruined. I still have an appetite. If my fantasy team loses, on the other hand, I curl up in the fetal position and mutter to myself for hours like that chick at the end of “Paranormal Activity” (a situation that, unfortunately, has been all too familiar with me this season).

It’s Just a Fantasy…

Ok, so why choose fantasy over reality? Well, a few reasons:

• The Draft: The NFL Draft lasts something like 11 days. Over 10,000 college kids are selected. There’s 45 minutes between picks. It’s impossible to follow. On the other hand, the fantasy football draft is sacred (and may be the best day of the year). There’s all sorts of food and alcohol to gorge on before, during and after. Guys are huddled around laptops and stacks of paper as if they’re debriefing the president on North Korean missile development. Pot Chimney smoke fills the air like a London fog that just rolled in. There’s banter and putdowns. There’s a luxurious pool to retire to after it’s all over. [Well, that’s how my draft goes… if you’re not getting that experience, you’re not doing fantasy football right, my friends.]
• Those are my guys: As Jerry Seinfeld once noted, the way pro athletes change teams at will, there’s no sense of constancy or loyalty. “Basically, we’re just rooting for laundry” he said. How true. God knows I never asked for Eli Manning. Brandon Jacobs would not be welcome in my home. But the guys on my fantasy team? Those are the ones I chose (for better or for worse). I feel far more connected to them.
• “You’re benched, suckwad:” On a similar note, I get to control who plays and who sits. If my RB blows, I can bench him or dump his ass or try to trade him to Ryan. I can be all Holmgren-esque and get the mad power of coach and GM I crave.
• The Payoff – When the Giants win the Super Bowl, it’s a pretty cool feeling. I invested this time and effort to watch them and root for them during the course of the season, and there’s a certain satisfaction in knowing I wasn’t just rooting for some team that wasn’t good enough. But how often does your team actually win? And when they do, I don’t actually get anything. I mean, John Mara doesn’t write me a letter thanking me for my mental blood, sweat and tears. Plaxico Burress doesn’t send me a license plate he made for defending him in public. My fantasy team, on the other hand… well, if I win my league, I get a fairly similar sense of jubilation in addition to (a) the ability to hold it over my friends’ heads for an entire offseason; and (b) benjamins, baby. A fistful of ‘em.

Case closed.

The Giants are 6-5. Show Me Your TDs is 5-7. Remarkably, as bad as both have been, they still have a shot at the playoffs if they win out. Another loss for either and it’s bye-bye postseason. I can’t possibly deal with that sort of disappointment on both fronts. So I have to choose.

Sorry, Jints. It’s been a nice ride.

Quarterbacks

Can’t Miss Starters

Aaron Rodgers GB at DET
Peyton Manning IND at HOU
Tom Brady NE at NO
Drew Brees NO vs. NE
Brett Favre MIN vs. CHI

Strong Starters

Kurt Warner AZ at TEN
Philip Rivers SD vs. KC
Carson Palmer CIN vs. CLE
Matt Schaub HOU vs. IND
Donovan McNabb PHI vs. WAS
Matt Hasselbeck SEA at STL
Matt Ryan ATL vs. TB

Mediocre Starters

Ben Roethlisberger PIT at BAL
Eli Manning NYG at DEN
Tony Romo DAL vs. OAK
Vince Young TEN vs. AZ
Alex Smith SF vs. JAC
David Garrard JAC at SF
Jay Cutler CHI at MIN
Ryan Fitzpatrick BUF vs. MIA
Joe Flacco BAL vs. PIT

Weak Starters

Josh Freeman TB at ATL
Daunte Culpepper DET vs. GB
Jason Campbell WAS at PHI
Jake Delhomme CAR at NYJ
Kyle Boller STL vs. SEA

Bench Warmers

Bruce Gradkowski OAK at DAL
Matt Cassel KC at SD
Mark Sanchez NYJ vs. CAR
Kyle Orton DEN vs. NYG
Brady Quinn CLE at CIN

Runningbacks

Can’t Miss Starters

Adrian Peterson MIN vs. CHI
Chris Johnson TEN vs. AZ
Maurice Jones-Drew JAC at SF
Steven Jackson STL vs. SEA

Strong Starters

Ricky Williams MIA at BUF
DeAngelo Williams CAR at NYJ
Marion Barber DAL vs. OAK
Frank Gore SF vs. JAC
Thomas Jones NYJ vs. CAR
Ryan Grant GB at DET
Joseph Addai IND at HOU
Ray Rice BAL vs. PIT
Jason Snelling ATL vs. TB (Assuming Michael Turner cannot play)
LaDainian Tomlinson SD vs. KC
LeSean McCoy PHI vs. WAS
Bernard Scott CIN vs. CLE (Assuming Cedric Benson cannot play)

Mediocre Starters

Knowshon Moreno DEN vs. NYG
Rashard Mendenhall PIT at BAL
Tim Hightower AZ at TEN
Rock Cartwright WAS at PHI
Brandon Jacobs NYG at DEN
Kevin Smith DET vs. GB
Matt Forte CHI at MIN
Marshawn Lynch BUF vs. MIA
Mike Bell NO vs. NE
Pierre Thomas NO vs. NE
Jamaal Charles KC at SD
Chris Wells AZ at TEN
Laurence Maroney NE at NO
Steve Slaton HOU vs. IND
Cadillac Williams TB at ATL
Jonathan Stewart CAR at NYJ
Justin Forsett SEA at STL

Weak Starters

Fred Jackson BUF vs. MIA
Justin Fargas OAK at DAL
Darren Sproles SD vs. KC
Jamal Lewis CLE at CIN
Felix Jones DAL vs. OAK
Darren McFadden OAK at DAL
Chris Brown HOU vs. IND
Brandon Jackson GB at DET
Shonn Greene NYJ vs. CAR
Correll Buckhalter DEN vs. NYG
Kevin Faulk NE at NO
LenDale White TEN vs. AZ

Bench Warmers

Chester Taylor MIN vs. CHI
Michael Bush OAK at DAL
Maurice Morris DET vs. GB
Khalil Bell CHI at MIN
Reggie Bush NO vs. NE
Ahmad Bradshaw NYG at DEN

Wide Receivers

Can’t Miss Starters

Reggie Wayne IND at HOU
Randy Moss NE at NO
Larry Fitzgerald AZ at TEN
Andre Johnson HOU vs. IND
Sidney Rice MIN vs. CHI
Vincent Jackson SD vs. KC
Anquan Boldin AZ at TEN
Greg Jennings GB at DET
Wes Welker NE at NO

Strong Starters

DeSean Jackson PHI vs. WAS
Hines Ward PIT at BAL
Chad Johnson CIN vs. CLE
Steve Smith NYG at DEN
Roddy White ATL vs. TB
Mike Sims-Walker JAC at SF
Steve Smith CAR at NYJ
Marques Colston NO vs. NE
Donald Driver GB at DET
Nate Burleson SEA at STL

Mediocre Starters

Derrick Mason BAL vs. PIT
T.J. Houshmandzadeh SEA at STL
Miles Austin DAL vs. OAK
Terrell Owens BUF vs. MIA
Jerricho Cotchery NYJ vs. CAR
Santonio Holmes PIT at BAL
Robert Meachem NO vs. NE
Percy Harvin MIN vs. CHI
Donnie Avery STL vs. SEA
Lee Evans BUF vs. MIA
Brandon Marshall DEN vs. NYG

Weak Starters

Mario Manningham NYG at DEN
Michael Crabtree SF vs. JAC
Jeremy Maclin PHI vs. WAS
Pierre Garcon IND at HOU
Kevin Walter HOU vs. IND
Nate Washington TEN vs. AZ
Devin Hester CHI at MIN
Braylon Edwards NYJ vs. CAR
Hakeem Nicks NYG at DEN
Chris Chambers KC at SD
Steve Breaston AZ at TEN
Austin Collie IND at HOU
Laveranues Coles CIN vs. CLE
Santana Moss WAS at PHI
Brandon Gibson STL vs. SEA
Roy Williams DAL vs. OAK
Bernard Berrian MIN vs. CHI
Mike Wallace PIT at BAL
Bryant Johnson DET vs. GB
Malcom Floyd SD vs. KC
Julian Edelman NE at NO

Bench Warmers

Bernard Berrian MIN vs. CHI
Mike Wallace PIT at BAL
Bryant Johnson DET vs. GB
Malcom Floyd SD vs. KC
Julian Edelman NE at NO
Andre Caldwell CIN vs. CLE
Patrick Crayton DAL vs. OAK
Torry Holt JAC at SF
Muhsin Muhammad CAR at NYJ
Johnny Knox CHI at MIN
Eddie Royal DEN vs. NYG
Mohamed Massaquoi CLE at CIN
Mark Clayton BAL vs. PIT
Calvin Johnson DET vs. GB

Tight Ends

Can’t Miss Starters

Tony Gonzalez ATL vs. TB
Dallas Clark IND at HOU
Vernon Davis SF vs. JAC

Strong Starters

Greg Olsen CHI at MIN
Antonio Gates SD vs. KC
Kellen Winslow TB at ATL
Visanthe Shiancoe MIN vs. CHI
Brent Celek PHI vs. WAS
Jermichael Finley GB at DET
Heath Miller PIT at BAL
Zach Miller OAK at DAL
Jeremy Shockey NO vs. NE

Mediocre Starters

Brandon Pettigrew DET vs. GB
Marcedes Lewis JAC at SF
Kevin Boss NYG at DEN
Jason Witten DAL vs. OAK
James Casey HOU vs. IND

Weak Starters

John Carlson SEA at STL
Tony Scheffler DEN vs. NYG
David Thomas NO vs. NE 
Dustin Keller NYJ vs. CAR
Todd Heap BAL vs. PIT
Ben Watson NE at NO
Fred Davis WAS at PHI
Martellus Bennett DAL vs. OAK

Bench Warmers

Spencer Havner GB at DET
Gary Barnidge CAR at NYJ
Donald Lee GB at DET
Bo Scaife TEN vs. AZ
Casey FitzSimmons DET vs. GB
Sean Ryan KC at SD
Daniel Fells STL vs. SEA
Daniel Graham DEN vs. NYG
John Paul Foschi CIN vs. CLE
Dante Rosario CAR at NYJ
Anthony Fasano MIA

Kickers

Just pick one.

Defense

Can’t Miss Starters

Minnesota vs. Chicago
Cincinnati vs. Cleveland
Philadelphia vs. Washington
Dallas vs. Oakland

Strong Starters

San Diego vs. Kansas City
Green Bay at Detroit
New York Giants at Denver
Baltimore vs. Pittsburgh

Mediocre Starters

Pittsburgh at Baltimore
San Francisco vs. Jacksonville
Atlanta vs. Tampa Bay
Miami at Buffalo
New Orleans vs. New England
Tennessee vs. Arizona
Arizona at Tennessee
Seattle at St. Louis
New England at New Orleans
Denver vs. New York Giants
New York Jets vs. Carolina

Weak Starters

Oakland at Dallas
Washington at Philadelphia
Indianapolis at Houston
Carolina at New York Jets
Jacksonville at San Francisco
Buffalo vs. Miami
Chicago at Minnesota

Bench Warmers

St. Louis vs. Seattle
Cleveland at Cincinnati
Houston vs. Indianapolis
Detroit vs. Green Bay
Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Kansas City at San Diego